How to Get Over a Breakup: 6 Stages of Healing

The end of a dating relationship or marriage can be devastating. Especially if you were blindsided  by the breakup and you had no idea the split was coming.

Even if the ending wasn’t a surprise, it can be difficult to believe your relationship has ended, especially if you’re the one who still wants it.

So, how do you get over a breakup and move on to purpose, peace, and joy again?

First, recognize that a breakup is a loss. And losses need to be grieved.

Commonly, there are five stages for grieving—whether it’s healing a breakup or other loss. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’m adding another stage to the process: beginning anew.

Of course, healing emotional pain is not a linear process; you won’t necessarily go through these stages in order.

In fact, you might bounce from one stage to another—or not experience all of the stages—since healing is different for each person.

The main thing is to be aware of the roller coaster ride of emotions, and take time to process your feelings as your journey back to feeling whole again.

Let’s look briefly at each stage in the process of grieving and getting over a breakup:

1. Denial – You simply cannot believe your relationship is over and you’re in shock or disbelief. You’re rejecting the idea that this is happening. You’re desperate to hold onto the past, even if it’s just a fragment of hope.

2. Anger – After a breakup you may feel mad about what happened. You might be angry with the other person, with yourself, or with other situations around the split.

3. Bargaining – In this stage, you’re trying to lessen the feelings of loss by trying to make a deal or negotiate the situation. For instance, “If I pray every day, God will bring him back to me.”

It’s a time of wishful thinking as you attempt to escape the painful reality of disconnecting with someone you liked or loved.

4. Depression – As the loss sets in, you may move to feelings of sadness and gloominess. You may feel hopeless, and lose interest in doing things or going out. You may find yourself crying a lot.

5. Acceptance – Here, you are coming to terms with your loss. It’s a shift from resisting the reality that the relationship is over, to finding some clarity and beginning to think you could move forward. You may still be sad, but you are not consumed by the sadness.

6. Beginning Anew – With acceptance, comes the ability to move forward and begin to rebuild your life. It’s time to wake up to the rest of your life and arise to building community and friendships, arise to new purpose, and arise to freedom, peace and joy.

Remember, heart healing takes time. And intentional action. It also takes trust in God. He loves you and He has the power to heal. He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

Want more?
1) To read more about how to get over a breakup, check out Jackie’s book, “When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty.”

2) To listen to the radio interview with Dr. James Dobson and Jackie M. Johnson about getting over a breakup, click Part 1 and Part 2.

3) To read Jackie’s blog for singles, Living Single Today, click here.

4) Articles from Jackie about getting over a breakup:

After a Breakup: Top 10 Things to Heal a Broken Heart

How to Get Over a Breakup: 4 Key Things You Can Do to Heal Faster