Do you ever feel insecure? Like you’re not “good enough.”
You feel invisible or embarrassed because you don’t believe you have enough education, enough beauty, enough money, or enough of whatever it is you think you need to be.
You question things incessantly:
Does he love me?
Can I really do this job?
Do I look fat?
Am I doing this right?
Why do we feel insecure?
Lack of confidence or anxiety arises in our lives for many reasons.
I know women who feel self-conscious because they’ve gained weight or have bad skin.
Perhaps you’re a new mom who’s hesitant about anything baby-related and wonder, “Am I doing this right?”
I remember when I was a new manager and felt inadequate for the monumental tasks on my burgeoning to-do list.
Certainly, insecurity can manifest in many ways.
Sometimes we assume what others think when we don’t really know; we project our own insecurity onto the situation.
On some level, it’s normal to question things. But if we obsess and stress about our insecurities all the time, we surely need relief.
You may be highly sensitive to the comments of others because of your own wounded past.
Do you feel unworthy? Perhaps it’s because you’ve experienced large losses in life. You may have grown up in a home of utter chaos and inconsistent loving. You may have felt unloved or rejected.
If you have been abused or abandoned (physically or emotionally) or belittled, you may have no real “foundation” for secure love—no emotional base upon which the building blocks of confidence and true worth stand strong. You don’t know what nurture or comfort feel like, and that can affect your level of confidence in the future.
We all handle trauma differently, but certainly the lack of affirmation and encouragement from grownups (parents, teachers, coaches, and others) to help you build a strong sense of identity as a child can lead to a distorted perception of yourself or of God.
Distorted images — too much or too little self-esteem
Lack of confidence and its opposite, pride, comprise both ends of the spectrum. Is there a balance somewhere in between for a healthy self-image and a confident spirit?
Consider this from my book, When Love Ends about a true sense of self-esteem:
Perhaps you’ve seen a woman who thinks she is “all that.” Her smugness and conceit is contrasted with the person who has low self-esteem: she thinks she is “none of that.” She focuses more on her mistakes instead of what she does right. She is often sad or fearful, and her insecurity prevents her from speaking up, taking chances, or moving forward.
Whether it’s too high or too low, ask yourself if your assessment of your self is accurate. Ask God to give you insight.
A woman with a healthy self-esteem respects herself.
She feels secure and worthwhile because of what God says about her. She has confidence in relationships and in life and generally more joy. She knows she has significance; she matters. With her sense of worth and value intact, she sits up straight and walks tall. Her head up, this confident woman is friendly, gentle and kind. She makes eye contact when she speaks, and she doesn’t constantly apologize for everything she says or does.
Living your true identity
We all have our reasons for feeling insecure. But we don’t have to stay there; we have choices for moving forward and finding healing.
Instead of living in insecurity, we can choose to live “in security.” That means we are secure in our identity because we know Whose we are.
As you uncover the truth about what God says about you, that confirms who you really are. What does God say about your true identity? Here are just a few:
You are…
Accepted by God – Romans 15:7
Loved dearly – Colossians 3:12
Chosen – Ephesians 1:11
Blessed – Matthew 5:2-12
Friend – John 15:15
Bride of Christ – Revelation 19:7
Child of God – John 1:12
His workmanship – Ephesians 2:10
Citizen of heaven – Philippians 3:20
Light of the world – Matthew 5:14
His co-worker – 2 Corinthians 6:1
Victorious – 1 Corinthians 15:57
Self-confidence or God confidence?
The whole issue of having confidence or not resides with what or whom we are putting our trust.
Are you relying on your sense of self or your idea of true beauty from women’s magazines, Hollywood actors or what other people say? If so, your self-esteem will quickly crumble.
Having confidence is about much more than concern over your looks. God sees things another way. 1 Samuel 16:7 reads, “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
Instead of relying on what others say or finding confidence in yourself, you can build “God-confidence” by remembering that He can do what you cannot.
In other word, focus on what our powerful and mighty God can do through you, not on your own limited resources.
One of the most memorable characters in the Bible lacked confidence. Remember the scene at the burning bush?
God called to Moses and asked him to go to Pharaoh, the head of Egypt, to get the people of Israel of out that country.
Instead of thinking “God can” he fretted “Can I?” and basically said, “Please send someone else.” (Ex. 4:13). He felt totally unqualified; he wasn’t eloquent enough and was slow of speech (4:10).
Moses wasn’t looking at what God could do, he was fearful of what he himself was not.
Generations later we read that story and wonder why Moses was so uncertain.
I mean, in that dialog alone God showed him three miracles!
A bush that burns but does not burn up,
a staff that turns into a snake and back again and
Moses’ own hand that God turned leprous and then back again.
God even said, “I will be with you…” (3:12). You’d think he would believe. But he doubted again and again. Yet, God used him mightily.
The power of prayer
When we feel ill-equipped or inadequate, that’s the time to totally rely on God and what He does through us.
You can be secure when you know the One in whom we can put our confidence.
“It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure” (2 Samuel 22:33).
Immerse yourself in God’s truth and love, and you will find insecurity fading and confidence growing in your life.
When we see with the eyes of Christ, we see who we really are.
POWERFUL PRAYER
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.” Jeremiah 17:7
Lord, so many times I have based my confidence on my own abilities, on what my friends think, or what I hear in the media. I doubt that I am “enough,” or if I am adequate for the tasks at hand each day. Will you help me to move away from distorted thinking that says I have to be something I am not. Help me to dwell in the truth, and put my trust in the Lord. Please empower me with greater confidence. When I know that I am Yours, I can make better choices from a solid bedrock of total acceptance. You are my sure foundation. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
