Dating and relationships can be complicated and messy.
They can also be loving and wonderful–if you know yourself and what you deserve.
But often we settle for less than the best. We compromise too much.
We get used or catfished or dumped because we don’t have a healthy enough self-esteem to walk away.
Or, no one ever modeled good love. So we scratch our heads at how to connect or get close to someone.
Or, we simply don’t know how the opposite sex thinks.
We simply don’t know what we don’t know.
I’ve gone on quite a few dates over the years, and I’ve learned a few essentials. Some dating “basics” so to speak, but these days they are not so basic any more.
We need to learn them.
So if I could go back in time, here are 6 things I’d tell my younger self about dating and life. Things I wish I would have known sooner.
I hope these help you make better decisions in dating.
1. You deserve to be loved well. You, my friend, deserve to be loved—and to be loved well.
Don’t let a guy toy with your emotions or take up your time if he has no intention of dating you.
Don’t settle for players. Don’t let yourself be used or abused just because you want someone to love you. That’s not love.
No 2:00 AM calls or texts to come over and “hang out.” No. You deserve to be treated better and with respect. Have boundaries and apply them.
2. Let him pursue you. A real man who wants a dating relationship will pursue and respect you. He will make his intentions clear.
Sure, it can be difficult for some guys to “man up” and ask you out, but don’t settle for less.
It’s great to first be friends with a guy, and get to know each other, and see if it leads to more. But the proof of desire is in the pursuit.
If he is not intentionally pursuing you, then you are just friends; you are not dating.
A real man will make it known that he wants to be in a relationship with you. You won’t have to wonder or guess.
When he pursues and you respond, you have the best chance for a “spark” of desire to turn into lasting love.
3. Let him please you. By nature, women are givers. We want to please others. But sometimes we do too much—and we don’t let other people do nice things for us.
Believe it or not, it makes a man feel good when he can do something nice for you.
Men want to make you happy—whether it’s fixing your car or taking you out for fresh seafood because he knows it’s your favorite.
Of course, it goes both ways; each person should desire to please the other person. But don’t let it be one-sided. You don’t have to do all the giving.
4. Know what you want—and don’t want—in a relationship. When you’re 17, you want someone who’s “cute.” When you’re 27 or 37 or older, you definitely want more out of a dating relationship.
Recently, a married friend told me that she wished she would have looked for traits in a future husband like good communication skills and conflict resolution skills—important things in a decades-long marriage (or even in your dating life) that some people may not have considered. Know what’s important to you.
5. Know what men want. It’s been said that one of the most attractive things to a man in a woman is her confidence. So go out and be your wonderful self!
In addition, he doesn’t want you to pretend to be someone you’re not just to make him happy. Be real and authentic and honest.
What he wants from you is respect. Admiration. A best friend whom he is also in love with. Someone whom he can trust.
I’m sure there’s more, and each guy is different in the specifics he’s looking for, but those are some general, foundational things to start.
6. Trust God’s timing. No matter how old you are, don’t be in a rush to meet and marry someone. Growing a healthy relationship is like growing a beautiful garden; it takes time.
Even if all of your friends are getting married and you feel left out or lonely, don’t give in to your feelings.
Trust that the One who loves you most, God, will prepare you and bring the best guy for you—if that is His plan for you.
Don’t control the circumstances or try to make things happen. Most often, that’s a recipe for disaster.
When you know yourself and what you really want in a dating relationship, you are closer to finding real and lasting love. You won’t have to make it happen or force it.
You can trust God for His best. And be at peace.
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For more hope and encouragement from Jackie M. Johnson, check out “Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough
Photo: Adrienne, pexels
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