Even if the ending wasn’t a surprise, it can be difficult to believe your relationship has ended, especially if you’re the one who still wants it. So, how do you get over a breakup and move on to purpose, peace, and joy again? First, recognize that a breakup is a loss. And losses need to be grieved. Commonly, there are five stages for grieving—whether it’s healing a breakup or other loss. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’m adding another stage to the process: beginning anew. Of course, healing emotional pain is not a linear process; you won’t necessarily go through these stages in order. In fact, you might bounce from one stage to another—or not experience all of the stages—since healing is different for each person. The main thing is to be aware of the roller coaster ride of emotions, and take time to process your feelings as your journey back to feeling whole again. Let’s look briefly at each stage in the process of grieving and getting over a breakup: 1. Denial – You simply cannot believe your relationship is over and you’re in shock or disbelief. You’re rejecting the idea that this is happening. You’re desperate to hold onto the past, even if it’s just a fragment of hope. 2. Anger – After a breakup you may feel mad about what happened. You might be angry with the other person, with yourself, or with other situations around the split. 3. Bargaining – In this stage, you’re trying to lessen the feelings of loss by trying to make a deal or negotiate the situation. For instance, “If I pray every day, God will bring him back to me.” It’s a time of wishful thinking as you attempt to escape the painful reality of disconnecting with someone you liked or loved. 4. Depression – As the loss sets in, you may move to feelings of sadness and gloominess. You may feel hopeless, and lose interest in doing things or going out. You may find yourself crying a lot. 5. Acceptance – Here, you are coming to terms with your loss. It’s a shift from resisting the reality that the relationship is over, to finding some clarity and beginning to think you could move forward. You may still be sad, but you are not consumed by the sadness. 6. Beginning Anew – With acceptance, comes the ability to move forward and begin to rebuild your life. It’s time to wake up to the rest of your life and arise to building community and friendships, arise to new purpose, and arise to freedom, peace and joy. Remember, heart healing takes time. And intentional action. It also takes trust in God. He loves you and He has the power to heal. He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Want more? 2) To listen to the radio interview with Dr. James Dobson and Jackie M. Johnson about getting over a breakup, click Part 1 and Part 2. 3) To read Jackie’s blog for singles, Living Single Today, click here. 4) Articles from Jackie about getting over a breakup: After a Breakup: Top 10 Things to Heal a Broken Heart How to Get Over a Breakup: 4 Key Things You Can Do to Heal Faster
The end of a dating relationship or marriage can be devastating. Especially if you were blindsided by the breakup and you had no idea the split was coming.
1) To read more about how to get over a breakup, check out Jackie’s book, “When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty.”
Then you will know that I am the LORD; Life is full of disappointments. Your boss promoted your co-worker, not you. Your manuscript got rejected. Your family member bailed on Thanksgiving again–and you miss them. Your boyfriend didn’t show for your birthday party. How do you deal with disappointments? Dashed hopes and thwarted dreams come in all shapes and sizes, and they’re always painful. Of course, it’s normal to feel upset when hard things happen; God designed us with emotions. But it’s essential to deal with your disappointments so little hurts don’t turn into large ones. Disappointment can spiral into despair or depression if you don’t get a hold of your thought life, what you say to yourself about yourself or your circumstances. So when disappointment knocks on your door, how do you handle your discontentment? Will you sulk or will you stand strong on the promises of God? Here are some helpful ways to pull yourself out of the disappointment spiral: What you tell yourself matters. Disappointment is a part of life. Whether they’re big hurts or little ones it’s what you do with your pain that determines how you will move forward. What are you saying to yourself about what’s happened? Are you feeling hopeless and thinking, “I’m never going to find a job”? Or hopeful, “I guess that wasn’t the right job for me. God has something better suited to my skills; I will bounce back.” Don’t mull, release disappointments. My mother used to say that garbage needs to be taken out at least once a week, and so does the garbage in your heart. When you hold onto frustration, resentment or discouragement it can fester inside. Instead, feel your feelings, and then release your pain. Let it go. The best way to do that is in prayer; talk to God about how you feel and what happened. He hears, He sees, and He truly cares. Wait on God to make things right. When disappointment comes, you may think it’s the end of the story. But it may not be; that’s where discernment comes and the wisdom to wait. Waiting strengthens your trust muscles, teaching you to depend solely on God, not your circumstances. There’s a popular saying, “Don’t place a period where God has placed a comma.” It may be the final curtain or it may simply be an intermission, a time to wait on God. My friend Barbara had been dating Steve for more than a year, and while he’d brought up the topic of marriage she was uncertain about some things. So she ended the relationship. Hard as it was, Barbara held to her trust in God to make things right. Whether they got back together or not, she knew that God had his best in mind for her. She closed the door on this relationship, and chose to get on with her life. Unbeknownst to Barbara, God was doing an amazing transformational work in Steve’s heart about God’s design for marriage and other things. One Saturday afternoon, Barbara was praying and felt the Holy Spirit tell her to be open to Steve if he were to call her She didn’t think he would contact her. She thought it was over—they both did. But God had different plans. That same Saturday afternoon, Steve called Barbara from a mountain top where he’d been praying and listening to God. Steve didn’t think she’d pick up the phone, but she did. They began to connect in an entirely new way; after a time apart that drew them solely to God and not each other, they both felt that God was reuniting them. They knew that the Lord had put them back together, and He had a plan for their relationship. Shortly after that they got engaged, and two months later were married. And now they’ve been together for more than a decade. Trust God in the silent times. He is working. Always working. Get a fresh perspective. Ask yourself, “How can I view this situation differently?” Perhaps you need a fresh perspective. Just as flying high in an airplane helps you to see the bigger picture of the earth below, getting a new perspective on your circumstances can help you feel better. Ask God to open your eyes to the truth about what’s happening so you can see more clearly how to pray and what to do. We all go through emotional growing pains at times that serve to make us stronger on the inside. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this situation? How can my faith be strengthened here?” Don’t get disillusioned with God. If you’ve been disappointed, you may feel like God doesn’t care or He’s abandoned you. Nothing could be further from the truth. Despite the situation, don’t let your circumstances rob you from the unchanging truth that God is wiser than you and me, and that He knows best. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” All things? Even this painful disappointment? Yes, even this. We don’t know how or when, but God promises to work all things together for a higher and better purpose. That’s where trust comes in. Lift up your eyes. When discouragement or disappointments have you down, it’s time to look up. Psalm 121:1-2 says, “I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Instead of looking all around at your circumstances or looking down in despair, choose to look to the One who has the power to do something about your situation. He will lift you up. Deal and heal. Unless you remove dandelions by the roots, their little yellow heads will keep popping up in your yard. Likewise, when you get to the root of your issues you can begin to rid the landscape of your life of irritations like constant regret or bitterness. As you deal with your emotions—feeling your feelings, not ignoring them and surrendering your pain to God in prayer—you will begin to heal. The power of prayer gets to the root of the issue because God heals from the inside out. As you pray, God changes your discouragement to encouragement or from sadness to joy and a much more joyful self emerges. Prayer changes things, and it changes you. As you pray about your disappointments, be encouraged and remember the One to whom we pray. God Almighty is all-powerful, and full of more strength and wisdom that we can ever comprehend. He can take care of your situation. Our times are in His hands. For more from Jackie, check out these resources: 
those who hope in me will not be disappointed.
Isaiah 49:23
2020. It’s been quite a year! Coronavirus, wildfires, murder hornets, riots. For some, unemployment. Working at home. Kids learning at home and not in school. Remote meetings. Not being able to visit loved ones in nursing homes. Zoom holiday parties. The election. Loneliness. Isolation. And, oh, so much more.
It’s been tough for many of us.
So, as 2020 winds down, I wanted to share with you the top six (6) most read blog posts of the past year on my website. Not surprisingly, many have to do with the COVID-19 coronavirus (what some are now calling “the virus.”).
My goal is to continue to provide HOPE, COMFORT, JOY and helpful inspiration during these tough times, and always.
May each helpful post continue to bring hope and healing:
TOP 6 BLOG POSTS OF 2020:
1. Prayer Against COVID-19
2. Staying Sane While Staying at Home During the Coronavirus (for singles and single parents)
3. How to Handle Fear About the Coronavirus
4. Racism in America: What You Can Do to Make a Difference
5. How to Know for Certain You’ll Go to Heaven
6. Finding Peace
Let’s say goodbye to 2020.
May 2021 be infinitely better for all of us!
Blessings,
Jackie
Photo credit: Anna Shvets from Pexels
Most of us have family members or friends whom we’ve prayed for when they are sick or injured. Some get well and others do not. And often we wonder why.
I know I do.
Right now, two people whom I’m very close to are very sick—my Dad and my friend Denise.
My Dad, is 85 and has congestive heart failure, complications of Type II diabetes, and other ailments. He can barely walk, even with a walker and is very weak. I pray for him every day to be free from pain and get the care he needs.
Right now, my brother and his wife are in the process of finding an assisted living place for him (which is another prayer request).
My friend Denise has multiple things wrong with her. She has been in the hospital for weeks with a rare bacterial infection, and other ailments that I don’t want to describe that are causing her pain. The doctors are miffed.
Because of this, I’ve been looking at what the Bible says about healing.
Both the Old Testament and the New Testament reveal that God has the desire and the power to heal our bodies from sickness and disease.
That is good news.
Healing Verses in the Bible – Old Testament
Some key verses on HEALING from the Old Testament say:
“… I am the LORD, who heals you.” Exodus 15:26
“LORD, my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.” Psalms 30:2
“Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:4-5
“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD” Jeremiah 30:17
Healing Verses in the Bible – New Testament
In addition, the Bible’s New Testament reveals some helpful verses about healing as well:
“Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.”
James 5:14-15
Jesus Christ himself healed people. He performed miracles and healed the sick and those with disabilities.
“Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness.” Matthew 9:35
There was the woman with the issue of bleeding, for example, who touched the clothes of Jesus. And He knew power had left him.
“He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34
And, Jesus healed a blind man by putting mud on the man’s eyes and sending him to wash in the Pool of Siloam. And he could see! See John 9:5-11.
So why does it seem that God heals some people and not others?
The answer? We don’t know why.
God, in His sovereign, infinite wisdom has not revealed that to us.
But someday we will understand.
In the meantime, we choose to trust God, have faith and press on in prayer.
1) We trust that, no matter what happens, God is good and loving and faithful. He is “the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
2) We pray for those who are sick to be well and to EXPECT healing. In the midst of it all we know that somehow, God “works all things together for the good” (Romans 8:28) and His purposes stand.
3) We discover that whether the situation changes or not, PRAYER CHANGES US. We grow closer to God through the trials, and closer to those with whom we are praying.
4) We stand in awe at the mystery of God’s ways, and look to His hands of compassion and grace. He alone knows the answers. And we choose to TRUST Him no matter what.
5) We choose to stand strong and confident that God’s love for us never changes. We keep our eyes on Him, not our circumstances.
6) We praise. When God does heal, we thank Him and praise Him. And if He does not (at least, not in the way we think He should), we praise Him still. Knowing that one day He will make all things right. Heaven awaits. One day: no pain. No tears. Only joy and complete freedom and peace!
We trust God is at work, in the good times and in the difficult times of life.
Our times are in His hands.
PRAYER
Lord, I humbly and boldly come before you and ask for healing to this person I care about. Will you please heal him? Will you please help her? Take away their pain and bring relief. Show the medical professionals what to do. Help me to be a source of comfort. May your strong healing hand come, and bring relief, peace and new hope. I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.
O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
Psalm 30:2
After the sun has set on your relationship, and you’ve gone through the darkest time, you’re farther along the heart healing journey.
It’s nearly Dawn.
Here, you are still processing the pain, but you are also continuing to look ahead to the future.
It’s a time of adjustment and emotional repair to steady yourself after a tidal wave has rocked your love boat. Even a sailboat after a squall needs some time in dry dock to repair the hull and mend the sails. There will be new adventures ahead, but for now, it’s heart restoration time.
The next step in the process is to deal with your emotions and discover the healing power of forgiveness.
A lot of singles choose to ignore the pain of getting dumped, and think it will just go away.
The thing is, without dealing with your feelings, you wind up carrying your breakup baggage into the next relationship—and the next.
But when you do go through the heart healing process instead of avoiding it, you will be better prepared to find and keep the lasting love you truly desire.
Healing emotional pain
Pain, anger, resentment and betrayal are thorny issues. Rejection hurts, and the loss of love and affection can make us do crazy things sometimes. Instead of stuffing your emotions or doing nothing, it is essential to identify, express and release your emotional pain.
Left unexpressed in healthy ways, emotional pain can wreak havoc in your love life. You may sabotage a perfectly good relationship because of your own commitment fears. Or, you may withhold affection and trust because others have wounded you deeply.
One huge emotion people feel after a breakup is rejection. When someone you love pushes you way, it hurts. And you may tell yourself lies like, “No one will ever love me.” But keep reminding yourself of God’s unchanging truths. Because truth combats lies like light overcomes the darkness.
The truth is….not being chosen doesn’t mean you’re not acceptable.
The truth is…you are still worthy and wonderful whether the person who left you realizes it or not. You may not feel very wonderful right now, but don’t let what one person thinks erode your sense of self.
The truth is…you will always be significant and important in the eyes of the One who loves you most: God. You are worth being loved well. And, God has His best for those who wait on Him.
Forgiveness: the key to your breakthrough
What helped me most to move forward in my past breakups has been the healing power of forgiveness—when God gives you the ability to forgive the person who hurt you, and forgive yourself.
When you don’t forgive, and hold onto the pain, it hurts you—not the other person. Pent up pain turns into bitterness, resentment, or offense and the emotional poison works its way into other areas of your life.
Sometimes you may think that if you forgive someone, you let them “off the hook.” And there needs to be justice. But forgiveness is not forgetting about what happened or acting like everything is okay. It doesn’t mean that you condone what happened, agree with it or like it.
Instead, you’re putting them on God’s hook, so to speak, not your hook, and trusting God to deal with it fairly because He said He would. God ensures justice is served; not you.
“Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
Indeed, the God of unconditional love is also our advocate for justice.
Our perspective changes when we realize what God has done for us. Because He has first forgiven us, Christ commands us to forgive. With the power God gives us—we can forgive.
Here is a helpful Bible verse: Ephesians 4:31, 32, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Forgiveness is the balm that heals the heart. When the pain has been dealt with you can leave the past in the past.
Lastly, it’s reassuring to know that God can see in the dark even when you cannot.
Psalm 139:11-12 reminds us, “…even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”
God knows where you are all the time—in the midnight hour and in the noonday sun. He sees, He knows, He cares, and He will lead you through the darkness of your heartbreak and into healing and better days.
Much better days.