Most of us don’t like to admit it, but there are times when we feel…
Lonely.
Couple or uncoupled, we all feel the sting of loneliness, emptiness, or feeling disconnected at times. It’s normal. It feels awful, but it’s normal.
Maybe the holidays set off “the blues” in you. Or, maybe you just moved to a new city, and you don’t really know anyone yet.
Often, just in daily life we spend more time on our devices than with people in person—and we miss that face-to-face interaction. We’re connecting, but we just don’t feel very connected.
Then there’s the “Sunday afternoon” effect, when many singles feel more alone than ever. Sure, you may connect with a few people at church and then, as the afternoon lingers on, you feel disconnected. Most people have families, and you drive back to an empty apartment–alone.
Whatever the situation, loneliness hurts.
WHAT TO DO
So, what are some things you can do when you’re feeling lonely? Here are seven helpful ideas:
1. Know that it’s okay to feel lonely sometimes. Single or married, it is very common. Even if you love living the single life, loneliness can creep in from time to time. Why? Because we were created for connection with other people. Healthy love and friendships are vital to our well-being.
2. Don’t isolate yourself. Sure, it’s easy to bury your head in work, or get lost in movie marathons or video games because you don’t want to venture out or risk getting hurt. But we were built for community, for relationships. When people are too isolated, they can get discouraged or depressed.
3. I try to remember that I have a choice about what I’m telling myself. I don’t know how many times I’ve given in to self-pity and sadness. And I’ve said to myself, “I feel so alone right now, so I’m just going to be sad.”
Instead, I can choose to say to myself, “Yep, I’m feeling lonely right now. What can I do to find joy again?” I don’t have to stay stuck in the sadness. I can take positive action. I can call a friend. Or go for a walk. Or do something I enjoy.
4. Remember you may feel alone, but you’re not alone. God is with you. Always. He loves you and longs to connect with you. Prayer is connecting with God. Talk with Him as you would talk with a friend—honestly and openly. God’s wants His best for you, and He has the power heal your pain and make lasting changes.
5. Loneliness can be a catalyst—a nudge–to help move you forward in a new direction. For example, maybe you need to be more intentional about building community, making new friends, or renewing relationships that have gone by the wayside.
Ask yourself: What is one thing, even a small thing, I can do to connect with a positive, life-giving person this week?
Maybe your “nudge” has to do with gaining perspective.
Loneliness may last for a few hours or for a season. Ask God: What do You have for me in this season of my life?
Perhaps God is leading you to new purposes—like finally writing that book, or starting a new business, or doing that thing you really want to do, but have been putting off.
6. Avoid “desperate dialing,” meaning don’t call or text an old flame because you’re feeling lonely at the moment. You will most likely regret it. Focus forward, not backward.
7. Encourage someone else. It might sound odd, especially when you’re the one who’s hurting, but helping others can help you keep your mind off your own situation. Serving others not only helps them, but also brings joy to you.
Thankfully, loneliness will pass. And brighter days will come. In the meantime, choose to take one small step to get back into hope and joy.
Remember, God is with you. Be at peace.
RESOURCES by Jackie M. Johnson
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