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When You Feel Lonely: Powerful Hope for Living Connected

Loneliness. It’s not a topic most people talk about.

Whether you’ve just ended a relationship and friends are scarce, or you’re so busy at work that you don’t have time for new friendships—there are many reasons we feel isolated or alone.

In fact, we can be lonely because we are physically alone, or we can feel left out or alienated even when we are surrounded by people.

No matter what the reason, it hurts to feel isolated, disconnected or unnoticed.

Loneliness vs. Solitude
But there’s a difference between loneliness and solitude. Sometimes we need the peace and quiet time alone brings; other times we need connection with others.

Solitude can be replenishing after a hard week at work or in our prayer time with God. With the One who loves us most we can pour out our problems to God, ask for help, and thank Him for all He has done for us.

Hosea 2:14 reads, “I will lead you into solitude and there I shall speak to your heart.” In the stillness, in the quiet, we can hear what God is trying to communicate to us. Away from noise and distractions we can absorb truth in new ways.

Loneliness is different.

One definition says that “Loneliness is a painful awareness that we lack close and meaningful contact with others. It involves a feeling of inner emptiness, isolation and intense longing.”

In addition, you may feel feel sad, anxious or inferior because you are unable to connect with people—or connect with a certain person.

The importance of connection
We live in society that exalts self-reliance, and a time when we are more disconnected than ever.

From my living room in Colorado, I can email my family in Minnesota or Facebook with readers in Brazil. Other the other hand, technology may limit a person’s face-to-face-interactions and in-person friendships.

Online, for instance, we may go wide (have a lot of ‘friends’) but not go deep (as in having meaningful relationships with good friends).

We all need to connect with other people.

We can do so by building bridges to other people, and connecting in person, and not living solely a virtual life. Bridges provide a link from one place to another. Friendships connect one isolated person to another, and soon community is built.

Getting connected
We were created to need each other and to serve each other’s needs. Indeed, our longing for love, friendship and heart friends (close friends) is real. It’s vital to our emotional wellbeing.

The truth is, you can build connections in all different areas of life. Consider these areas of community to connect with others:

• Spiritual community with people at church, or in a small group, prayer group, missions team or one-on-one with someone like-minded.
• Social community through a bowling league, mom’s group, singles group, coffee with friends.
• Intellectual community with people from work, joining a book group or other group with shared interests.
• Physical community in joining a sports team, dance class or getting workout partner for the gym.
• Neighborhood or city community can be built be showing up at your local playground, a neighborhood block party, or mentoring a disadvantaged youth.
• Virtual community is a way to connect with others, but make sure it’s not your only connection with other people.

Connecting with God

Of course, the first one to make a connection with is the most important One, with God.

Through prayer and our relationship with God we have the most primary and meaningful connection possible.

Prayer is talking with God, not at Him. It’s a holy conversation of both speaking and listening. Your words don’t have to be perfect or rehearsed, just real and from your heart.

Tell God how you feel and what you need. Thank Him for all He has done for you and for those you love. When you don’t know what to say, even the simple prayer of, “Help!” will reach the loving ears of God.

How to overcome loneliness
• Ask God to make His presence real and close to you today. Ask Him to help you have hope things really can change in your life. You can also ask God to give you courage to reach out to another person today or to bring caring relationships—like friends, family, or other new people into your life.
• Pray. Below are some starter prayers to help get you out of feeling lonely and back to feeling hopeful again.
• Ask yourself: What is one thing you can do today to build a bridge, to connect with another person?

Jesus said, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).

When you know God, you are never alone.

***

Here are some short prayers on Overcoming Loneliness to get you started…

Turn to me and be gracious to me, 
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Psalm 25:16
Lord, You know the pain I am in right now. I feel so empty and alone. I know I’ve been isolated and need contact with other people, but sometimes it’s hard. Will you please help me learn how to build bridges to other people? I need closer friendships. I need close-knit community. I long for it. Help me to overcome and find joy again. I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

And surely I am with you always,
to the very end of the age.
Matthew 28:20
Lord, what a comfort it is to know that You are always with me, and that You never leave. So many times people disappoint me. I want to trust and make connections with people, but it hasn’t happened yet. With you, there is peace and stability. You are my strength when I am weak, my true consolation when I am sad. Here in Your presence I abide, I dwell. Thank you for always being near. I am never alone. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

God sets the lonely in families…
Psalm 68:6
Lord, I need you. I have felt alone and friendless lately. Will you help me to get connected with my family, or people who may become like family to me? Will you fill this emptiness in me with Your love, so I can be filled up and have something to offer others? I need community. I need friendship. Please show me where I belong. I want to walk this path of life with others who will build me up, not tear me down. And, I want to encourage others, to give and take. I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things?
If God is for us, who can be against us?
Romans 8:31
Lord, it makes me glad to know that you are for me! You, the One who is ultimate love and ultimate authority designed me and has favor toward me. Thank you. In my desolate desert times I have felt so alone, so desperate at times. But when I remember the truth that You are with me and for me, it releases the pain and fills my heart with hope and joy. I am grateful. And I praise Your holy name. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

More resources by Jackie M. Johnson:

• When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty (How to Get Over a Breakup)
• Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough (Hope and Encouragement for DifficultTimes)
• Hope on the Go (Bite-Sized Encouragement for Busy People)
• Singles Blog

Photo: Jure Širić, Unsplash

By Jackie M. Johnson

Feeling Lonely? Here’s Hope

Feeling lonely? Isolated?

Many people are, especially in this (dare I say) “unprecedented” time of the COVID-19 virus we’re living in across the globe.

Still.

It’s been many months and we are continuing to be told to stay home as much as possible, social distance from people in public, and avoid close contact.

The loneliness thing is even more difficult for those who live alone. If you are working at home (like many of us are) and live alone, it can feel empty. You miss handshakes and hugs and the joy of face-to-face conversation.

And the weeks are dragging on.

I get it.

The truth is, we were created for connection and relationships of all kinds. Love and friendship are vital to our emotional well-being.

So, what can you do during this crisis to feel less alone and more connected?

First, connect with God. Make your primary connection an ongoing and connected relationship with the One who loves you most.

I want to encourage you to press in to the relationship you have with God. He wants to know you—and for you to know Him—just as you would a close friend.

He longs to love and guide you through this hard and messy life. Make time to “seek His face” (who He is), not just his hands (what He can do for you).

Creator of all, our good God is faithful and true, loving and just, compassionate and kind. He is strong and mighty. Trust Him with your heart, tell Him all you long for, and believe He will see you through.

Through prayer and talking with God, we can have the most meaningful connection possible.

• Prayer is a holy conversation of both speaking and listening with God. He knows you better than you know yourself. In fact, He created you! So your words don’t have to be perfect or rehearsed, just real and from your heart. Pray and talk with God about your feelings and fears. Even when you feel lonely. There’s a helpful prayer below you can pray. When you know God, you are never alone. Today, ask God to make His presence real to you.

• Remember Who is in control. It’s important to remember that God is bigger than this crisis. He is sovereign and in control. Remember His mercy. His power and strength. His comfort and unconditional love for you.

• Get out the Good Book. Turn off the TV news once in a while, and pull out your Bible. Take time to read it more than you usually do, and in doing so you will be saturating yourself with God’s powerful Word. The truths in the Bible never return empty, but accomplish God’s purposes. (Isaiah 55:11)

• Use this time wisely. Get a journal or notebook (or device) and write down what God is teaching you during this time. Consider and journal these questions: What needs to change in your life? How can you pray for others? What is on God’s heart for such a time as this?

Then, connect with others in virtual community. Our women’s Bible study has been meeting on Zoom every Wednesday night. You can make a plan to have virtual visits to connect with family or friends, too. Sure, it’s not the same as in-person time, but it sure helps to have some sort of human interaction—even on a computer or phone screen.

If you don’t have virtual connection capabilities, you can phone or text a friend.

And, depending upon where you live, you can actually get together with people in person and connect. (But you may still need to wear a mask (a face covering) in many places.)

By reaching out to someone, and connecting, you could be the answer to someone else’s prayer. Your friend may be feeling lonely too, and you could brighten her day with a call to check in, a simple text, or the promise of a future time to get together.

Here’s a powerful prayer you can pray when you feel lonely:

“Lord, I have this lonely ache inside of me. I feel so isolated. And sometimes I am afraid. I long to connect with others, but right now it’s challenging. It’s difficult to be alone so much–or not connecting with others as often.

Yet, I take comfort that you are bigger than this crisis. I thank You, Lord, that You are always near. When Your presence is with me, I am never really alone.

Will you help me to choose FAITH over fear? To be aware and not afraid? And to TRUST that You are in control even when I don’t always see it or feel it?

Saturate my heart, soul and mind with Your unchanging truths because the TRUTH will set me free.

Thank you for being my protector, my provider, and my strong peace. I choose to trust You. I pray believing. In Jesus’ mighty and powerful name. Amen.”

Amen! Be at peace.

For more hope and inspiration, check out these books by Jackie M. Johnson:

Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough

Power Prayers for Women

Prayers with Purpose for Women

When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty

By Jackie M. Johnson

Feeling Lonely? Isolated? 5 Essential Life Connections

Feeling lonely? Isolated? Too busy with work or life to have a life?

Single or married, I’ve had quite a few friends say to me lately that they feel more disconnected than ever.

Maybe it’s time to take a fresh look at our life connections—or lack of them.

The internet has radically changed how we do ‘people connection.’ From my living room in Colorado, I can email my Dad in Minnesota or Facebook with readers in Brazil.

I can check out the latest decorating ideas on Pinterest, or zip over to Instagram to see what my friends (and people I don’t even know) are up to.

However, spending too much time on technology may limit a person’s face-to-face interactions and in-person friendships.

On social media, we may go wide (have a lot of so called ‘friends’) but not go deep (as in cultivating close friendships).

We all need to connect with other people. And we can do so by building bridges. Because just as bridges provide a link from one place to another, friendships connect one isolated person to another, and soon community is built.

Getting connected
We were created to need each other, to give and receive love and friendship of all kinds, and at different levels.

Connection is vital to our emotional wellbeing.

So take some time to evaluate how you can balance your time on social media with your time building in-person connections. And find more joy and true contentment.

Here are five kinds of “community” to build into your life:

• Spiritual community with people at church, or in a small group, prayer group, missions team or one-on-one with someone like-minded.

• Social community through a bowling league, mom’s group, singles group, or coffee with friends.

• Intellectual community with people from work, joining a book group or other group with shared interests.

• Physical community in joining a sports team, dance class or getting a workout partner for the gym.

• Neighborhood or city community can be built be showing up at your local playground, a neighborhood block party, or mentoring a disadvantaged youth.

Of course, virtual community (online) is a way to connect with others, but make sure it’s not your only connection with other people.

Connecting with God
Of course, our connection with God is primary. Through prayer and our ongoing, daily relationship with Him, we have the most meaningful connection possible.

Prayer is talking with God, not at Him.

It’s a holy conversation of both speaking and listening.

Your words don’t have to be perfect or rehearsed, just real and from your heart. Tell God how you feel and what you need. Thank Him for all He has done for you and for those you love.

When you don’t know what to say, even the simple prayer of, “Help!” will reach the loving ears of God.

Ask God to make His presence real and close to you today.

Ask Him to help you have hope that things really can change in your life.

You can also ask God to give you courage to reach out to another person today, and to bring caring relationships into your life.

Building bridges to others, living connected, and living loved is truly possible.

One step at a time, walking by faith with the One who loves you most, connection is built.

We’re better together!

For more about beating loneliness and other topics from Jackie M. Johnson, click on Hope on the Go and find bite-sized encouragement for busy people. Real Hope, Real Fast!

By Jackie M. Johnson

Dating Advice: 6 Things I Wish I’d Known Sooner

Dating and relationships can be complicated and messy.

They can also be loving and wonderful–if you know yourself and what you deserve.

But often we settle for less than the best. We compromise too much.

We get used or catfished or dumped because we don’t have a healthy enough self-esteem to walk away.

Or, no one ever modeled good love. So we scratch our heads at how to connect or get close to someone.

Or, we simply don’t know how the opposite sex thinks.

We simply don’t know what we don’t know.

I’ve gone on quite a few dates over the years, and I’ve learned a few essentials. Some dating “basics” so to speak, but these days they are not so basic any more.

We need to learn them.

So if I could go back in time, here are 6 things I’d tell my younger self about dating and life. Things I wish I would have known sooner.

I hope these help you make better decisions in dating.

1. You deserve to be loved well. You, my friend, deserve to be loved—and to be loved well.

Don’t let a guy toy with your emotions or take up your time if he has no intention of dating you.

Don’t settle for players. Don’t let yourself be used or abused just because you want someone to love you. That’s not love.

No 2:00 AM calls or texts to come over and “hang out.” No. You deserve to be treated better and with respect. Have boundaries and apply them.

2. Let him pursue you. A real man who wants a dating relationship will pursue and respect you. He will make his intentions clear.

Sure, it can be difficult for some guys to “man up” and ask you out, but don’t settle for less.

It’s great to first be friends with a guy, and get to know each other, and see if it leads to more. But the proof of desire is in the pursuit.

If he is not intentionally pursuing you, then you are just friends; you are not dating.

A real man will make it known that he wants to be in a relationship with you. You won’t have to wonder or guess.

When he pursues and you respond, you have the best chance for a “spark” of desire to turn into lasting love.

3. Let him please you. By nature, women are givers. We want to please others. But sometimes we do too much—and we don’t let other people do nice things for us.

Believe it or not, it makes a man feel good when he can do something nice for you.

Men want to make you happy—whether it’s fixing your car or taking you out for fresh seafood because he knows it’s your favorite.

Of course, it goes both ways; each person should desire to please the other person. But don’t let it be one-sided. You don’t have to do all the giving.

4. Know what you want—and don’t want—in a relationship. When you’re 17, you want someone who’s “cute.” When you’re 27 or 37 or older, you definitely want more out of a dating relationship.

Recently, a married friend told me that she wished she would have looked for traits in a future husband like good communication skills and conflict resolution skills—important things in a decades-long marriage (or even in your dating life) that some people may not have considered. Know what’s important to you.

5. Know what men want. It’s been said that one of the most attractive things to a man in a woman is her confidence. So go out and be your wonderful self!

In addition, he doesn’t want you to pretend to be someone you’re not just to make him happy. Be real and authentic and honest.

What he wants from you is respect. Admiration. A best friend whom he is also in love with. Someone whom he can trust.

I’m sure there’s more, and each guy is different in the specifics he’s looking for, but those are some general, foundational things to start.

6. Trust God’s timing. No matter how old you are, don’t be in a rush to meet and marry someone. Growing a healthy relationship is like growing a beautiful garden; it takes time.

Even if all of your friends are getting married and you feel left out or lonely, don’t give in to your feelings.

Trust that the One who loves you most, God, will prepare you and bring the best guy for you—if that is His plan for you.

Don’t control the circumstances or try to make things happen. Most often, that’s a recipe for disaster.

When you know yourself and what you really want in a dating relationship, you are closer to finding real and lasting love. You won’t have to make it happen or force it.

You can trust God for His best. And be at peace.

***

For more hope and encouragement from Jackie M. Johnson, check out “Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough

Photo: Adrienne, pexels

By Jackie M. Johnson

Single Over the Holidays: 3 Great Ways to Find Joy!

Ah, the holidays!

It’s the time of year when singles are more intensely aware of their singleness.

If you’re unmarried, most likely you’ve had to dodge that perennial question from prying relatives or friends at holiday gatherings:

“So, why are you still single?”

Or, maybe you’ve had to deal with the office holiday party dilemma when you don’t have a date, and the “plus one” on the e-vite blinks at you like tree lights gone awry.

For some singles, the Christmas season tends to exaggerate feelings that have been simmering all year long.

It’s a time to connect with loved ones and you feel anything but connected. Suddenly everyone around you seems to have a significant other or spouse and you feel so very solo.

Solitary. Alone.

Then there’s the sting when a pastor closes the Christmas Eve service with an admonishment to “Go and spend time with your families.”

Yeah, thanks, but I don’t have one.

Of course, some people have their family of origin—their parents and siblings—with whom they gather for the holidays.

But for others the cost to travel home for the holiday is simply unaffordable. Or, they don’t get along with some of their family members.

I get it.

It’s not always easy to see happy couples kissing under the mistletoe or walking arm in arm down a snowy sidewalk—laughing all the way—to who knows where.

So how can you enjoy, not just endure the Christmas season?

Here are three (3) great ways to consider to find more JOY in the season:

1. Change your perspective. If you are feeling lonely or blue, try to refocus attention away from self and onto the Savior. Ask him to lighten your mood.

You may feel sad or other emotions—and you have a right to your feelings. But don’t set up camp there; don’t stay there. Feel the pain, ask God to heal your heart, and then move forward allowing God to heal you in His timing.

Indeed, changes may not happen overnight. Surely, there is a time to grieve or feel miserable. But there is also a time to wipe away the tears, put on your coat, and go build new Christmas memories.

Oftentimes, the joy returns and new hope arises.

2. Find “family” where you can if yours is not available. My single friend Denise has often hosted a Christmas Day dinner for singles who have no place to go for the holiday. Or, have a gathering with friends and celebrate the season together.

3. Give and serve others. Doing things for others will bring JOY, not only to the people you help, but also to you!

Sharing a smile or a hello with your coffee barista or the clerk at the dry cleaning counter can make a difference. Some folks I know go to a local nursing home to sing Christmas carols or go to a local soup kitchen to serve food and spend time with those who are often forgotten.

3. Most importantly, draw near to the reason for the season: Jesus Christ. Reflect on the true meaning of Christmas and why we celebrate.

Remember the true story of the Christ child, the Son of God, who came to save the world and teach us how to love and have a better life. (Read Matthew 1 or Luke 2.)

Discover the love that changes everything. And you just may be amazed at what happens.

Instead of bemoaning your current state of singleness you can make new choices.

May God invade your heart with JOY—at Christmas and all the year through.

Merry Christmas!

By Jackie M. Johnson

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