Browsing Tag

singles

Single? Great Posts For Dating, Relationships, and the Faith Life

 

If you’re single—never married, widowed, or divorced—you’ll love my new blog, LIVING SINGLE TODAY (Click on the link and scroll down to read the posts.)

With topics on dating, relationships, and living the faith life, this blog is packed with hope, encouragement, and good ideas for living wisely and well as a single person in the 21st century.

Here are just a few blog posts for SINGLE and SINGLE AGAIN readers I’ve created so far. Click on each title to read the post.

We also feature great guest posts, like these:

Looking for Love? It’s Not Too Late by Wendy Griffith from CBN News

Dealing with Grief in Your Widowhood Journey by Dr. Bart Brock

As a single person myself, I understand how hard it can be at times–and how wonderful it can be–to be single. 

So, check out my new LIVING SINGLE TODAY blog for singles of all ages. 

And be sure to tell a friend!

Jackie

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How to Help Singles in Your Church To Thrive

Today, there are more SINGLE adults in America than MARRIED people. About 50.2 percent (about 126 million) of us are not married.

So, what is the church doing to meet their needs?

Not enough.

That’s according to Gina Dalfonzo, author of One By One: Welcoming the Singles in Your Church (Baker Books, 2017). Here are a few thoughts from her book.

Singles feel lonely. While the church is a place to worship, connect and serve—a place to find community and fellowship—many singles find the church to be a lonely place.

Singles may feel “less than.” Some single adults feel overlooked because of their marital status. They feel unseen, forgotten or left out because there aren’t any small groups or programs for singles at their place of worship—especially for singles over age 40. At many churches, programming and events are centered on couples and families.

Perhaps you’ve heard some of these comments from well-meaning married folks at your church:

“So, when are you going to get married (or married again)?

“Why hasn’t some nice young man scooped you up?”

“You’re not getting any younger, you need to settle down.”

Yikes.

While these people may have good intentions, often singles are made to feel as if something is wrong with them if they are not married or don’t have kids.

And the truth is, single adults have infinite worth and value no matter what our marital status.

[Side note: I know dozens of wonderful Christian single women of all ages who would love to be married, but single men simply don’t ask them out. But that’s another blog post for another day.]

Dalfonzo, the author, is single herself and she is also pro-family. She writes:

“…families, especially families with children, are honored, encouraged, supported, and praised by the church. And that’s a good thing. Parents of young children are doing a tough and often thankless job…they need all the encouragement they can get. What the church doesn’t always understand is that single Christians need encouragement and support too.”

So what do you do with church singles whose ages may vary from 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond? How do you meet their needs for community and ensure they are growing in their faith?

How Married People Can Help Singles
Dalfonzo offers sage advice for married people—and for the church as a whole—on how to be more aware of and welcoming of singles.

First, it’s important for married people to remember that everyone who walks into church isn’t married with children. Some have never been married—whether they are a few years out of college or approaching retirement. Some single adults are divorced, separated or widowed—and may or may not have children. Dalfonzo says:

Look. Train yourself to see—really see—the single people in your church. Don’t ignore them as you make a beeline to talk to others who are just like you. Make it a point to look for them and look at them.

Listen. When you notice a single person at church, make the effort to go over and talk. And listen. Ask questions. Ask them how they are, or how you can pray for them. Meet up in the coffee area at church or invite them out for lunch sometime. Show you care.

Learn. You have to be willing to acknowledge that there are people in your church who are different from you, who have experiences and memories and points of view that may be very different. We can all learn from each other.

Love. Reach out in friendship to the single Christians around you. Help the church to incorporate their ideas and meet their needs. Ask a single adult over for coffee, for lunch or for a holiday meal. Demonstrate with actions the love of Christ for your single brothers and sisters in the church.

The church can see singles and love them as they are.

The church can restructure classes, groups, and activities to include both single and married people instead of keeping them apart—at least some of the time.

In the end, singles are not a problem to be dealt with, or a project to take care of. We want to be a valued as an integral part of the church whether we are age 35, 55 or 75.

Additionally, singles can get to know others in the church by serving alongside them in a ministry or a service project.

Single men and women can reach out to married people, too, and start a conversation or a friendship.

Single or married, we really do need each other.

Author Delfanzo summarizes with these thoughts:
“We need people in our lives who understand us…
but we also need people who are coming from
different backgrounds, stages of life, and points of view.
We need these people to help us broaden our perspective,
look at life from different angles…
and they need us too.”

For more posts by Jackie M. Johnson on singles topics, see her Living Single blog. And the “Growing a Better Life” blog on this website.

Photo: Priscilla De Preez, unsplash.com 

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Mother’s Day: Hope for the Single Woman Who Longs to be a Mom

Sunday is Mother’s Day in America. And this holiday can be tough for some women.

While some are buying roses or making a special dinner for their moms, you are missing yours. Maybe she has passed, or lives far away, or you’ve had a falling out. Whatever the reason, you won’t see her.

On the converse, maybe you had or have a great mom. She’s kind, caring, and nurturing. She listens to you and encourages you. She always wants the best for you. What a blessing! Cherish that.

However, if you are a single woman who really wants to be a mom herself, this holiday might be difficult for you as well.

To be sure, not every single woman wants to jump into the family life. But for the ones who really want to be a mom—and struggle with it—Mother’s Day can be a tough day. Others have what you want, a husband and a family, but it just hasn’t happened for you.

So what do you do with those feelings of disappointment, longing and sadness?

While you may not be a mom right now in the traditional sense, there are other ways to pour out all the love and nurture you have in your heart to others.

Here are a few examples.

You can be a spiritual mom to other women in your church or neighborhood. There could be a young mom who needs your ideas or feedback. You can be a listening ear. And a friend to her. It will bless your young friend and provide a way to express your nurturing or mothering ways.

You may be a godmother, a special person who is influential in the life of a niece, nephew or child of a friend. You can speak into his or her life words of wisdom, bring joy and laughter, or teach them a skill or craft. Mostly, you can just be their friend.

I am a godmother to a special girl who is now 12. I enjoy spending time with her and her siblings.


Of course, you don’t have to have the “godmother” title to pour into the lives of other kids—whether they are relatives, friends or kids in the church or community.

You can just be your wonderful self and bring your personality, your kind friendship to the life of a child.



Maybe you’re a pet mom. And you pour your love and attention into a furry (or not-so-furry) cat, dog, or other creature. It’s been said that “Pets are friends with fur.” If you don’t have a pet, this may be a good time to get one if you’ve got the love and care to give to a special animal.



This Mother’s Day, you can choose to:

Celebrate your own mom or her memory. Send a card or gift, or Facetime your mom if you can’t be together on this holiday.

Remember the mom you had, if she has passed, and all the wonderful things she had done.

If you’re not in a good place with your mom right now, ask God to help you forgive the hurt (or vice versa) and bring reconciliation.

Thank God for the present. Be grateful for “now.” Right now, you may be single and not have children. But that could change.

One day, you may have the husband and kids you desire and life will look very different. Cherish the time you have now.

And if that does not happen for you, God will give you peace and purpose in the life that unfolds for you in the years to come.

Ask God for the desires of your heart. If you truly want a family, ask God and pray about it. Continue to develop the skills of good communication, listening, and patience. You will need them in life—family or not.

We can come boldly and humble to the throne of God and ask for what we need, and in His infinite love and mercy He will answer. In His way and timing.

Children or no children, I believe God will give you the best life for you to accomplish His good purposes.

So, Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms and moms-of-another kind!

Blessings and joy to you on this special day.

Jackie

 

Photo credits: Woman with child. Photo by Tamara Bellis and all other photos, Jackie M. Johnson. 

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The Absolutely Wonderful, Life-Changing Truth About Christmas



Christmas. For many, it’s the most wonderful time of the year.

You know those happy folks: they can’t get enough of the twinkling lights, tree decorating, holiday baking, Hallmark holiday movies, gift giving and general festive merriment.

For others, it’s a sad time. Those who have lost loved ones—through death, divorce, or other means—often find it hard to find joy in the season. They’re feeling lonely or depressed, and can’t wait until it’s all over and the last sprig of mistletoe is packed away for another year.

Single and single again adults sometimes have a tough time during the Christmas season. For help and hope, read How to Survive the Holidays for Singles.

Sure, there are gifts and gatherings, carols and eggnog, decorations and stockings, but the JOY comes from remembering the birth of Christ, the Light of the World. Hope for all Mankind.


An angel appears to a young Mary, engaged to Joseph. Mary becomes pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit. A mystery. A virgin birth.

Then, an angel appears to shepherds in the fields tending their sheep at night. That must have been a sight! The dark sky lit up by an angel telling them that the Christ child had been born. And the shepherds hurried to see the new baby.

Later on, kings visit the child and bring gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. They followed a bright star and came to pay honor to the King of kings.

Read the story in Luke 2.

The absolutely wonderful, life-changing truth about Christmas is that we can celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ—a baby in a manger who grew up and changed the world forever.


He is our LIGHT in the darkness (of darkened hearts and difficult times)

He is Immanuel, God WITH us. Not distant or far away. Here. With you.

He showed us how to live and LOVE each other.

He is our Savior. Christ died on Cross and rose again from death to life—victorious and alive! Why? To pay the price needed to redeem us (free us) from our sins and enable us to live forgiven and free.

Love came down to Earth to show us the way.

Eternity stepped into time so we could understand—and live forever with God, the One who loves us most. Joy on Earth, and forever in Heaven.

That is a fantastic reason to celebrate: God and sinners reconciled! The best gift ever. Joy to the World! The Lord has come.

The Christ child changed everything.

So take a read of this poem I wrote about the true meaning of Christmas. May it bless you and all you choose to share it with.


What is Christmas?

Christmas is where it all began,
An infant child who became a man.
Eternity came down so we could understand,
The child of Creator, the true Son of Man.

He was not unexpected, for the prophets foretold
The events that had happened would surely unfold.
Four hundred years later the miracle came,
The star over Bethlehem shone where He lay.

They came to attend Him from near and from far,
The shepherds and wise men who followed the star.
All were rejoicing that first Christmas night,
At the child of a virgin, a humbling sight.

So, what is the meaning of that first Christmas night?
Simply, He came to make everything right.
For the Child had a purpose in coming to Earth.
He came as a light and to give us new birth.

He gave us forgiveness and paid with His life.
What kind of love would pay such a price?
For death could not hold Him; He rose from that grave.
And freedom and life were the gifts that He gave.

No longer divided, no longer alone,
Because of His love the wall had come down.
Live free forever! O, what a gift!
Both now here on earth and forever with Him.

Wise men and angels followed Him then.
Wise men still seek Him, again and again.
— Jackie M. Johnson

May you still seek Him—and find the life-giving love, joy and peace of Jesus Christ at Christmas and always.

Merry Christmas!
Jackie

Resource

If you’re stressed or depressed, this book is packed with help and hope and short, relevant prayers you can pray on a variety of topics in tough times: Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough By Jackie M. Johnson




Photo credit (Christmas tree): Jonathan Borba, Pexels


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How to Survive the Holidays for Singles

Hi friends,

This is a holiday favorite blog post, originally posted on my singles blog, Living Single. Enjoy and be blessed!

Ah, the holidays—the time of year when many singles are often more intensely aware of their singleness, especially if they are uncoupled.

If you’re unmarried, most likely you’ve had to dodge that perennial question from prying relatives or friends at holiday gatherings: “So, why are you still single?”

Or, maybe you’ve had to deal with the office party dilemma when you don’t have a date to bring to your company’s Christmas event and the “plus one” on the invitation blinks at you like tree lights gone awry.

For some singles, the Christmas season tends to exaggerate feelings that are simmering all year long. It’s a time to connect with loved ones and you feel anything but connected. Suddenly everyone around you seems to have a significant other or spouse and you feel so very solo.

Solitary.

Alone.

What Others Do

A friend of mine said she misses someone with whom she can share the season—like watching Christmas movies together, ice-skating in the park or going to Christmas parties as a couple.

Another friend said she feels a twinge in her heart when the pastor closes the Christmas Eve service with an admonishment to “Go and spend time with your families.” Yeah, thanks, but I don’t have one.

Of course, some people have their family of origin—their parents and siblings—with whom they gather for the holidays, but for others the cost to travel to points far away is simply unaffordable. Or they don’t get along with their family members.

Recently, a guy I know said that he couldn’t wait until the holidays were over. He’s just trying to endure the next few weeks.

I Feel Your Pain

I get it.

It’s not always easy to see happy couples kissing under the mistletoe or walking arm in arm down a snowy sidewalk—laughing all the way—to who knows where.

Yes, I realize that you may have unrealized dreams of having a spouse and a family, and you wonder: Where’s my husband to snuggle with by the fire or my rosy-cheeked kids to go sledding with on snowy Saturdays?

I hear you.

Enjoy, Not Just Endure?

Is there a way to enjoy the holidays, not just endure them?

I believe there is, and it begins with a change in perspective.

First, it helps to refocus attention away from self and onto our Savior. Christmas is not about us; it’s about the One who loves us most, God, who sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, as a gift. For you. For me. And for all who believe.

Instead of bemoaning your current state of singleness you can make new choices.

You may feel sad, or blue, or any other emotion—you have a right to your emotions. But don’t set up camp there; don’t stay there. Feel the pain, ask God to heal your heart, and then move forward allowing God to heal you in His timing.

Indeed, changes may not happen overnight. Surely, there is a time to grieve or feel miserable. But there is also a time to wipe away the tears, put on your coat and hat, and build some new Christmas memories.

And what do you know? Oftentimes, the joy returns and new hope arises.

You can stay cooped up in your apartment (or house or condo or cabin) alone, or you can get out and meet new people—or rediscover the ones you already know.

Find “family” where you can if yours is not available. My single friend Denise has often hosted a Christmas Day dinner for singles who have no place to go for the holiday.

Giving and serving others brings joy—not only to the people you help but also to you!

You don’t always have to give gifts; sharing a simple smile or a hello with your coffee barista or the clerk at the dry cleaning counter can make a difference. Some folks I know go to a local nursing home to sing Christmas carols or a soup kitchen to serve food and spend time with those who are often forgotten.

The Reason for the Season

Most importantly, draw near to the reason for the season: Jesus Christ. Reflect on the true meaning of Christmas and why we celebrate.

Remember the true story of the Christ child, the Son of God, who came to save the world and teach us how to truly live and love and have a better life. (Read Matthew 1 or Luke 2.)

Discover the love that changes everything. And you just may be amazed at what happens inside of you.

May God invade your heart with JOY—at Christmas and all the year through.

Merry Christmas to you!

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